Leaving choir

Leaving choir is one of the things that i really dont want to do... why i leave choir? i really dont know why... When i was in choir , i was very ambitious, may be too ambitious that it all back fired. Now, with out choir, i feel so empty. I dont know if i miss my cca points or that i really have feelings for that cca. I really dont know why but i just cant let go. every time i hear the word syf, i really want to cry . its like a needle pricking my heart. i really have alot of emotions that i try very hard to keep to myself but it is really hurting me, its killing me. The reason is simple , I abandoned god when times were good... i made the wrong move and i make a mess... its like moses and the Jews...God performed miricles over and over again but they lose faith in him when times are good, worship other statues and animals... I say alot of stuff but i realise i dont act on it... i make empty statments... statments that are over idealistic and not realistic.... I just pray that god would show me the way and take away all the pain hate in my heart, that the lord Jesus Christ would help me concentrate on my studies that he would bless those who backstabbed and insulted me... may the lord help me to walk out of this agony. and may he be my shepherd and would take me where he wants me to go... I know that if the lord is with me ... no matter who misunderstands me, i have my god who is with me by my side comforting me that those who believe would have eternal life.... May the lord bless and touch those ppl who are for and against me that his holy spirit my bless and touch the hearts of millions . Oh lord, forgive me for my wrong doings because i know im not perfect, help me change and mould me the way u want me to be... in your most precios name i pray , amen